As most of us try and make our way through the holiday season, shopping, baking, decorating and attending parties, there are those among us who have a much different experience.
For them, the holidays are a painful time, a sad time and a for so many, a very depressing time. They do not share in the holiday frenzy that greets them around every corner. And for so many of them, it becomes almost more than they can bear.
It's hard to say just what happened to them over the years. Once, they were children that saw the holidays through the eyes of innocence, and they became giddy with restless anticipation during that time of the year. As adults, expectations were high that this season would be as magical and perfect as it was in their childhood. They tried to recapture the wonderment they felt as children waiting for Santa, or waiting for a rush of emotion as they pondered the religious significance of Christmas or Chanukah.
But for reasons known only to them, they do not experience the holidays that way any more. And when those feelings don't automatically well up, they become disappointed and sad. And if they become depressed, the fact that they can't enjoy these things as they once did, makes them twice as miserable, and they berate themselves for not partaking fully in the joys of the season.
For me, the Christmas season can be particularly difficult at times because several years ago, I lost someone very dear to me. My beloved grandmother died, after a long battle with breast cancer, during the Christmas holidays. Not only was the wake and funeral two weeks before Christmas that year, but several of the organizations she had belonged to, had mass said in her honor for the entire month leading right up to Christmas day.
Our parish church was decorated with hundreds of poinsettia plants that adorned the alter. I spent so much time kneeling in church that month, just staring at those poinsettia plants and listening to somber organ music, that for many years after, I could not look at a poinsettia plant or hear mournful holiday songs without crying. (Even today, certain Christmas songs make me weepy.)
On a very personal level, Christmas changed for me the day my grandmother died. Not just because her death was so close to Christmas, but because my grandmother was such an integral part of my childhood experience. For many years, the sheer stress of the holidays was just too much for me to deal with. So I would make sure I was on the schedule to work on Christmas day, just so I wouldn't mope around alone feeling sorry for myself. That was how I coped with what had become a very stressful and painful day.
But let's face it. The holidays can often be a stressful and often a disappointing time for everyone (except the kids.) We run ourselves ragged buying the perfect gifts, baking holiday treats, planning the perfect Christmas dinner, getting a tree, decorating both inside and outside the home, sending out Christmas or Chanukah cards, entertaining and, all while trying to keep down a job and managing a family. Wow! Talk about stress!!
And to top it off, we often find ourselves dealing with family and relatives whom we see infrequently, and don't necessarily enjoy spending time with.
The idea of doing all this holiday stuff while you're in pain, sad or depressed, is beyond overwhelming. Folks who suffer with depression, become unmotivated and have no desire to contribute to the Christmas festivities. It isn't their fault that the holiday festivities consumes them and takes control of their feelings and makes them feel worse. Thoughts of Christmas takes the emotions of a depressed person and sends them into a deeper turmoil. And then the frustration of their situation takes control and drags them deeper into their thoughts, and deeper into their depression.
We all want to believe that Christmas is all about having fun. That it is an exciting, warm and fuzzy, family orientated time of the year. Everyone you talk to or listen to (especially TV commercials) is telling you how much you should be enjoying this time of year. And it sure is for those with family and friends to share it with. For most people, Christmas is filled with the excitement of sharing quality time with loved ones, looking forward to warm welcomes, cheerful smiles, presents and food galore.
But not for everyone. Especially not for those unfortunate enough to be debilitated with the illness of
depression. They dread Christmas with every inch of their being. Often, they are filled with anxiety and self-doubt and their emotions become distorted. Instead of feeling joy and excitement, they feel out of control. Depressed individuals not only dread Christmas, but they wish that the day would magically disappear as if in their world, they could just delete from their calendar.
In another article, we will look at some things you can do for yourself or a depressed love one this Christmas. Many of the thoughts we will present, can also be applied to anyone who is just feeling totally stressed and at the end of their rope.
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